My Independence Day

Thinking about today had me wondering when I achieved true independence after the accident that took my mobility, but left behind a brain injury. You would think that relearning to walk would define my independence, but being free from a wheelchair does not give the same mobility you enjoyed before. It simply puts you vertical, but with limitations. There is a loss of balance, and the mechanics have never become second nature that they once were. So walking again was a great blessing, but not my independence day.

Regaining my ability to drive a car was certainly a red letter day, and contributed greatly to my feeling of independence, but that too, has limitations.  Having only peripheral eyesight in my left eye fills me with apprehension when driving, parking, or backing up in high traffic situations. Having a GPS on my phone helps me stay on track when navigating someplace new, but it is not foolproof.  So the days of taking a drive for the joy of driving down a peaceful country road are long gone.

I think all of the improvements to my health have contributed to my sense of independence, but the final piece that was missing was my own sense of self worth, and confidence in my ability to overcome any obstacle that prevented me from achieving my goal. And for this to happen I have to admit that God is in the center of all I strive to achieve. He is the master planner, who directs my paths. He places people in my circle that I can help, or who can help me in ways that become clear further down the road. 

He is the master scheduler and controls when the things I need most happen. It is his timing and not mine that produce the best results. It's hard to wait, but if it was easy everyone would have endless patience. This reminds me of the old adage my grandmother would always say with a wink at my grandfather, "Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can. Seldom found in women, and never in a man."

I have decided that my independence is directly linked to my dependence on God. When I feel most confident in him, I am feeling most confident in me. 

It's not like childbirth. Or is it?

After I had my first baby, I began to forget the pain almost immediately.  Holding that perfect little guy in my arms was worth every hour of the pain.  That is why Anthony is not an only child.  He has Kelly and Kacy to keep him company.  Childbirth pain is minimized in the memory, because the child is such a joy to the heart.

The pain I experienced from the wreck and subsequent surgeries and therapies is not so easily erased. There is no daily reminder of what was accomplished by the pain of this journey.  Or is there?  The further I get from that fateful day of November 3, 2004, the more I understand how important prayer can be. 

Facebook friends get my prayers.  Especially those who photos appear on the profile page.  These photos change daily, and I get a chance to prayer bomb these folks.  Friends who are fighting cancer or other illnesses, the loss of a loved one, illness of a family member, care of a fragile parent, struggling with financial issues, depression, loneliness, etc. all get prayers. 

It is really so easy to just say a quick prayer for someone.  A while back, someone  my children knew was near death.  I felt a pressing need to pray with passion for her life.  Following this urgency to pray, I did something I seldom do.  I went in my bedroom and closed the door.  For many minutes I knelt by my bed and prayed for this young woman.  In that kneeling position I surrendered all that I had to God as I interceded in prayer for this young woman's life. She will have a long journey to health, but she survived. 

Of course I don't take credit for saving this woman's life. God is her great physician.  But I do believe that my prayers mattered.  I have learned that prayer not only heals the person being prayed for, it also heals the person doing the praying.  When I pray for others, I further heal those parts of me that still cling to the memory of the pain.  I become more whole.  Maybe it really is like childbirth.  Born from the pain of the injury, my prayer life has grown to become a daily joy to my heart that minimizes the memory of the pain. 

Profiles in Courage

Last weekend, October 5th and 6th, I attended a NAWIC (National Association of Women in Construction) conference in Birmingham.  October is breast cancer awareness month.  All attendees were asked to wear something pink on Saturday to encourage those who have, or are, currently battling breast cancer.  Our keynote speaker was a young science teacher in her thirties, who is currently undergoing chemotherapy for stage 3 breast cancer.  She was interesting, humorous, and above all a fearless warrior in her own battle to defeat breast cancer. As she spoke, I look around the room at the women I knew who had successfully battled this disease.  Mary, Renee, and Lynn were there.  Newly diagnosed Ruth was also there. 

 

I think of the courage and genuine grit I see in my 'sisters in surviving' and I feel so blessed to know each and everyone one of them. They have reached down deep, put on their armour and continue to fight the good fight for themselves and others.  So today I want to honor them all.  For every woman who has, or is, currently fighting this battle I say a prayer for you.  And especially for you Trina and Ruth--I promise to be a prayer warrior for you, standing in the spiritual gap and celebrating your amazing courage and grace under fire. 

 

 

 

The Proof is in the Pudding

When I first sat down in front of my computer to write a book I never dreamed that it would be seven years later before I would finally hold it in my hand.  I don't remember thinking of a deadline, but I am sure that I never thought it would be this far down the road.  I thought the hardest part would be the actual writing.  Then I joined a writers group and began editing the book, and realized that this was harder for me than the writing.  When the editing was almost complete I began looking for a publisher.  This phase was even harder than the editing.  Each publisher has their own format for submission and each states up front that if you do not follow their guidelines perfectly they will gladly trash your submission.  Given these instructions most TBI survivors' heads will explode.  Mine surely did! I am now entering the marketing and sales end of this, and I have a feeling this is going to be the highest hurdle yet.

 

Isn't it that way with any large project?  You begin all starry eyed until you start performing the actual work.  As it takes more time, and costs more than you originally thought, you begin to question if the project is worth the expenditure.  At this point many projects are scrapped.  Fortunately for me this project has never been about me.  This project is my way of trying to raise money for TBI survivors by donating the profits from the sale of my book to TBI organizations.  My goal is to donate at least one million dollars to brain injury organizations.  It is a formidable goal, but certainly is obtainable, if I am willing to keep plugging away at it, and if I can convince others to part with $12.50 to buy the book.  This leads me back to the original goal of writing the book.

 

If I did my job on the front end of this project then this final goal can be achieved.  My grandmother used to say, "The proof is in the pudding," and she made the best banana pudding in the universe. I won't say that this book is as good as my Nanny's banana pudding, but she was an avid reader and I would like to think it would pass the pudding test.  Go to my book page and buy a copy of the book.  Read it, and then come back by the blog so we can talk. 

 

 

 

 

Patience and perserverance

The final details are all that is left and then I will have a published book.  I find it ironic that I didn't write a book until after I sustained a TBI. I think it is because I didn't have anything important to say before, or maybe I didn't have the patience to do it.  That is definitely one thing that waking up disabled will do for you - it teaches you patience.  First you must learn to swallow your pride and  ask for help.  Then you must remember to be patient.  When others are taking their time to do something for you, you must learn that it is according to their schedule, not yours.  It can be extremely frustrating, but you will eventually learn patience.  Once you learn patience the world becomes your oyster!  With patience and perserverance any task can be conquered.  This book is the latest example.

Today I attended a meeting at the Carrollton Creative Writers' Club (CCWC).  I haven't attended a meeting in almost a year and I only knew a few of the many in attendance.  This is the one constant in life--that life is always changing.  Many members have published books and moved on to other challenges. New members are working on projects and reading their work for the group to critique. I suppose I was expecting time to freeze for this year. I was expecting everyone to stay the same as I took a year off from the group.

Thank goodness no one did.  I like the fact that life is fluid.  I want life to continue to be interesting, inviting, and invigorating.  Who wants vanilla ice cream over, and over, and over.  I guess I was expecting vanilla ice cream today at the CCWC.  Instead I got rainbow sherbert. You gotta love it! Life is good.

Finishing the Book

My seven-year project is finally complete. Today, I dropped off my book, Head Lights for Dark Roads: Packing Humor and Hope for the Unexpected Trip through Traumatic Brain Injury, to my able editor, Zan Marie Steadham.

I'm just starting the blog, so bear with me as I explore this new world of blogging.