Thinking about today had me wondering when I achieved true independence after the accident that took my mobility, but left behind a brain injury. You would think that relearning to walk would define my independence, but being free from a wheelchair does not give the same mobility you enjoyed before. It simply puts you vertical, but with limitations. There is a loss of balance, and the mechanics have never become second nature that they once were. So walking again was a great blessing, but not my independence day.
Regaining my ability to drive a car was certainly a red letter day, and contributed greatly to my feeling of independence, but that too, has limitations. Having only peripheral eyesight in my left eye fills me with apprehension when driving, parking, or backing up in high traffic situations. Having a GPS on my phone helps me stay on track when navigating someplace new, but it is not foolproof. So the days of taking a drive for the joy of driving down a peaceful country road are long gone.
I think all of the improvements to my health have contributed to my sense of independence, but the final piece that was missing was my own sense of self worth, and confidence in my ability to overcome any obstacle that prevented me from achieving my goal. And for this to happen I have to admit that God is in the center of all I strive to achieve. He is the master planner, who directs my paths. He places people in my circle that I can help, or who can help me in ways that become clear further down the road.
He is the master scheduler and controls when the things I need most happen. It is his timing and not mine that produce the best results. It's hard to wait, but if it was easy everyone would have endless patience. This reminds me of the old adage my grandmother would always say with a wink at my grandfather, "Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can. Seldom found in women, and never in a man."
I have decided that my independence is directly linked to my dependence on God. When I feel most confident in him, I am feeling most confident in me.
